Operation Overkill, [M] Offending Everyone - Stop reading now if you are easily offended. Continue reading if you enjoy epic hilarity and can stand offensive humor.
Chapter 0The sun was peaked within the sky, flooding the landscape beneath it with heat the likes of which hadn’t been seen in years. Angel Grove was usually a cool city, sitting several miles from the base of Cleavage Peak it caught most of the tall mountain’s glacial winds, but this year had been quite the dry one, and all of the citizens were feeling the according affects, specifically those who either worked at or attended the metropolitan high school, Iamso High.
Within the large facility’s cliché red walls and near-boiling rooms, the only safe haven seemed to be the cafeteria, which featured a ceiling fan everyone was becoming more and more fond of. Right now, it was the Juniors’ turn to relish in the moderately bearable lunch room, each of whom shared 6th period lunch. For once they were actually glad to be there, most of the time the smell of the atrocious food sent them running in the other direction. Lately, the food seemed to be the last thing on everyone’s mind.
Teens still filtering in through the cafeteria doors, Kazzy, one of the 11th grade’s shorter members, pushed her way through the crowds, carrying a hefty blue backpack on her shoulders. Pacing quickly towards the back of the lunchroom, she headed swiftly to one of the more empty tables, apparently reserved for her group of friends by the black-haired girl already sitting there. Reaching her seat briefly, Kazzy tossed her backpack underneath the table, pulling out a chair.
”Last period sucked,” she muttered, sitting down.
”I know,” came Saku, the girl already seated at the table, who was busy re-buttoning her revealing blouse and trying to apply a fresh layer of lipstick at the same time.
Kazzy stared back at her blankly for a few moments; obviously disappointed that one of her friends was the school whore, before simply shaking her head and looking about the room. Where was everyone else? Her brown eyes danced about briefly, before settling on the duo she was looking for.
Both Vergil and Rock, regulars at Kazzy’s table and friends to both her and Saku, were headed towards the circular table. Rock, one of the few black kids in the school, was dressed in his usual attire, a black jersey and baggy basketball shorts; while Vergil was wearing a pair of blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a red button-up, which he always left open. The pair had the same class before lunch, so it was rare that they didn’t arrive together.
”Hey,” said Vergil, taking his seat at the table next to Rock, who was already seated next to Kazzy, leaning further back in his chair than normal posture was supposed to allow.
”Hi,” Saku replied, having apparently finished putting her make-up back on as her kit was back inside her trademark yellow purse.
”Who you blow las’ period?” Rock laughed, looking passed Kazzy and at Saku, whose miniskirt was begging every guy in the school to admire her legs.
She glared back at him, apparently irritated, but that type of chat always occurred between the pair, so everyone was well aware she’d get over it. Suddenly, the only empty chair at the table, in between Vergil and Saku, was whipped out from its vacant position, and Iamso High’s resident spic was immediately filling it, a plate full of what looked like fried sh*t in his hands.
”Um, wh – “ Vergil had started, questioning the Hispanic kid’s arrival, but Rock swiftly cut him off.
”Nah, seriously,” he joked, still prodding Saku, who had momentarily been staring at the new guy next to her with the most confused expression she had ever presented, “who was it?”
Her glare snapped back to him as soon as he had started speaking, “fine,” she began, rolling her head as if it added some level of serious to what she was saying, “it was Pie.”
”The retard with the third arm?” Vergil asked, butting back into the conversation.
”No!” she exclaimed, “he is not a retard! I can’t bel – “
”He does have a third arm.” Kazzy said dully, now considering kicking Saku from the table. So she was a slut, that was something everyone would have to live with, but now she was sleeping with the star of the Hills Have Eyes - seemed like a little too much.
”So…” Saku whined, looking down at the table.
”Don’t you guys eat?” came an unrecognizable voice, all of the table members tracing it back to the spic who had so rudely invited himself to the table.
Vergil looked at him, before glancing down at his plate, and then back to him. “Sh*t?” he replied, “no, we don’t. Who are you anyways?”
”Name’s Mig, I – “
”Why’re you here?” Vergil interrupted, trying to give him the hint that he wasn’t welcome.
”Dude in the green shirt said there was an open spot.”
Vergil’s eyes narrowed, knowing exactly whom Mig was referring to. He looked up, passed the spic in front of him, wondering where the kid had run off to after preaching their table as a refuge for foreigners, but what he saw was completely unexpected. Everyone was… frozen.
His blue eyes darted around, body motionless, at first thinking it was just him, the heat or something throwing him off, but as his focus closed in on another student who had seemingly stopped in the middle of scratching his balls, he realized that wasn’t the case. No one just stood there grabbing their crotch… unless they were black.
”What’s wrong?” asked Kazzy, getting involved in the group’s discussion once more now that Vergil seemed abnormally paralyzed.
”Look…” he whispered, barely able to push words from his mouth.
As he finished, each member of the table looked over their shoulders, and one by one they were each hit by the same shock that had left Vergil speechless. What the hell was going on?! Nothing was moving! Even the restless kid with tourettes found himself locked in place, his mouth frozen in mid, "F*CK!" Saku's eyes had lingered on that boy a bit longer than any of the others'; was that what her blowjob face looked like?
"Wha's goin' on?" Rock finally choked out, breaking the chilling silence that had consumed them.
As soon as the question had entered the ears of his tablemates, a bright light formed in the center of the circle. As if summoned by the blinding white glare, each pair of eyes was drawn to its density, only to be slammed shut as the light intensified. Everyone pinning their eyes closed, a deep voice suddenly boomed out from within them.
"I choose you." It said.
"Pokemon?!" Miguel spontaneously shouted, spitting the mass of food that had been in his mouth back onto his plate. Looking up from the table, he found himself staring at the giant form of a floating white head.
"No." The head said calmly, "What I have come to ask of you is far, far more important than Pokemon."
"Like Smash Brothers?!" Mig persisted.
"No," came another smooth reply, "You cannot compare the severity of this situation to a mere child's game."
"Oh..." Mig said, his disappointed face looking down at the table. "SO LIKE FIRE EMBLEM?!" he suddenly jolted, drawing widened and annoyed eyes from everyone around him.
"No!" The head snapped back, "Shut up you stupid spic!"
It was Mig's turn to stare back dumbfounded, his mouth finally closed.
"Now then," said the entity atop the table, "I am here for - "
"I can't have sex with a giant head." Saku said suddenly.
"What?" Rock asked, genuinely confused for the first time in the past ten minutes.
"What?" she said, as if her previous response was casual, "I put up a Myspace bulletin. Free sex.”
"I'm not here fo - " the large being was again cut off.
"Free sex?!" Mig shouted, staring at Saku like a starved dog.
"Not for you," she replied, recoiling in her seat a bit.
"Well wh - "
"I SAID SHUT UP YOU F*GGOT!" the head screamed, forcing everyone's hands up to cover their ears. With everyone sinking back in their chairs, he continued, "My name is Zordon, and I've come here in urgency."
" AIDS?" Mig asked.
"NO NOT AIDS!" Zordon snapped, glaring down at the teen that had once again interrupted him. The consistent shouting had forced Mig's gaze to avert down to the table, while everyone else was still staring up at the head, scared and confused at the same time.
"I've come here because the earth is in danger," he continued after catching his breath, "and I have to assemble a team in order to defend it."
With that, everyone's puzzled expressions intensified, and this time it was Vergil's turn to speak.
"What do you mean? Why us?" he asked.
Zordon looked down at him tiresomely, "short on time," he said briefly, then looking down at Saku, "and I was hoping for free sex."
"Oh..." Vergil muttered, having been under the impression that there was something special about them, aside from Saku's expensive breasts.
"So what're you saying?" Kazzy picked up where Vergil had left off.
"I'm saying," the entity continued, "that you guys are going to have to defend this planet from evil, or everything you know is going to die."
"Li' Sailor Moon?" Rock questioned, honestly wondering.
"What did you just say?" Zordon said, whipping around to face him.
"I say, li - "
"Shut up," the head interrupted, "only n*ggers talk like that. Are you a n*gger?"
"Well I gue - "
"No!" Zordon barked, "are you n*gger?!"
"NO I'M NOT!" Rock yelled back.
"Then talk like a normal person."
"Alright," the teen replied, sitting up straight, "like Sailor Moon?"
"No," Zordon finally answered, "she's hot."
"Then like what?" Vergil piped in.
"...you kids ask a lot of damn questions," he replied, having expected this to go much easier, "I'll just show you."
With a flash of light each teen was yet again blinded, but this time as the haze faded, they realized much more had appeared than a random big head. Each kid was dressed in colored spandex suits, decorated with white triangles and matching colored helmets. Vergil stood from his chair, looking down in surprise at the red fabric which coated his body.
"What is this?!" he demanded an answer.
"Spandex." Zordon replied subtly, still hovering above the table.
"WHY AM I PINK?!" Mig shouted suddenly, hands clawing up and down over his attire, as if tearing at the suit would change its color.
"Never mind that," Zordon continued, looking around at the entire table, "these suits grant you phenomenal powers, unlike anything you've ever seen before. And can instantly be swapped for your normal clothes with just the thought. Using this technology, you will be able to defend this planet successfully."
"I'm still confused..." muttered Rock, looking from his own black suit to Saku's yellow one.
"Yeah," Kazzy asked, now dressed in blue, "just what the hell are we?"
"What are you?..." Zordon questioned back, "You're the goddamn Power Rangers."
Power Rangers
Operation OverkillThis story is not written by me, original author and continued updates should be here:
Original Location
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I love this, this the only chapter so far? good find, dragon!