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 This is why I'm asexual.

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Bartimaeus
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PostSubject: This is why I'm asexual.   Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:14 am

(edit) I already posted it.../fail

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1918771


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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:19 pm

Seen it before. Not all girls are this....passionate.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:44 pm

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 3:26 am

By asexual you mean that you don't understand girls, right? Cause I'm extremely attracted to women and all that they are, but I just don't understand them at all and thus the prospect of a happy, heterosexual relationship with a stable woman just doesn't seem much possible at times. Just saying. I can understand men, but they just aren't that pretty. Also, just saying.

It is also my friend's 21st birthday. Drinking is fun sometimes. Of course, given that I'm on a website posting on a forum, that just speaks to what kind of person I am. Fun.

Peace, good luck finding a non-crazy. Good luck not becoming crazy too.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:25 am

I think what he means is that he makes no attempt at any sexual relationship with anyone. If he is happy like that, it's admirable, but I am of the belief that it is in human nature to seek out a mate, and denying that urge will lead to depression and loneliness, which are not conducive to happiness.

I understand people and their motivations, and from my experience, most relationships are a con-game. It's all about making someone want you more than you want them, basically. Some people have a natural way about them that makes this easy, others fake it and lie, others can't fake it and fail, others won't fake it and fail.

Real companionship supersedes this, but is rare, especially in youthful populations. The substance of the relationships that most youth's experience is superficial, and in most cases, could easily apply to any given person, the uniqueness of their partner and their connection is generally wholly manufactured.

It is still unclear to me what purpose this construct serves, and it seems conceited to allocate it to improving self-estimation by increasing the importance of the relationship. It may be due to biological (or even social) pressures to hold their mate, and possibly offspring, in higher regard to improve the chances of those offsprings' success. Truely though, the purpose is irrelevant, as the process of "Love" is unavoidable in most functioning individuals.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 6:43 am

Way to sound like the Architect from the matrix.

And, to quote an acquaintance of a friend, "The one in a relationship with the most power is the one who cares the least."

All human relationships are based on power, even "love" ones. Power = not caring in a "love" relationship most of the time. Which kind of defeats the purpose of all relationships, ever. If you don't care, then why be in a relationship? Because one wants companionship, one wants company, one wants sexual gratitude. It's inescapable and undeniable.

Mind you, however, this is not all relationships. Just most. I think it's time to write something new about how stupid that is.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 6:53 am

Haha. Thank you Neo. Sorry, writing all 10 of those essays this semester made my writing style extremely wordy with some ridiculous use of unnecessary vocabulary. As long as most of my sentences are complete, I figure it works alright.

On a side note, I got A's in both of the English classes I was taking, I'm extremely proud of myself.

Generally, power is what drives relationships, and in a loving relationship, it is the ability to deny your partner that love and have them receive more emotional distress than yourself, but as an optimist I hope that there are exceptions, and as an egotistical bastard I hope that I fall into an exceptional category.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 1:47 pm

@Aqua: I remember a while ago you saying something about some girl...Plus you seem smart enough/social enough to not be hindered. What impedes you from understand girls?

@Pyth: It only starts that way in the beginning because people are afraid of rejection and not meeting other peoples expectations. As one gets gradually closer those artificial veils fall, and you end up seeing the real person, just like in any relationship (With a friend for example). Once you're at the stage that both people can see the real person and there isn't the artificial "Ya, I'm awesome, you should love me" and it's the other way around where you love the other person for who they are, that's when a relationship comes to a cross roads. If the real them meets your standards, you'll probably stick with it, otherwise you'll continue a long the path of "I want the power in the relationship". If the real them does meet your expectations and are what you wanted, then there's no real reason to do so - assuming that you also meet their expectations, and at that point you should know if you do or not. There's a reason mates are generally very similar to eachother in multiple facets. Even some things you wouldn't consciencely be aware of. Like you'd expect economic status, intelligence, attractiveness etc. But even random and minute things like ear lobe width (???) are correlated in "who we end up with". Power might start off the relationship, but in the end it's how similar and compatible you are with your partner that dictates if you stay, and if you're happy in said relationship. O, and congratz on your English classes =)

O, and don't forget that humans have their Oxytocin and Dopamine receptors sharing the nucleus accumbens. Commitment chemical + Happy chemical = Love. Simplified of course.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 10:01 pm

I don't feel a "need" for a relationship. I am fully self-sufficient on my own and do not actively seek partnerships with the opposite gender. Of course when I meet a girl I am attracted to I will ask her out, but I'm not "looking" for anyone. So I guess in that aspect you could say I'm "asexual" by the definition described in an above post.

As far as understanding women, I actually feel like I have a pretty good grasp on many of their shallower facets. (Of course there is a higher randomness factor with women than with men so there will always be exceptions.) But that does not help me with relationships in general. As I've probably said before, I can become friends with any female. My latest attempt at doing this intentionally resulted in the girl saying "I completely trust you with anything." (or something very similar) within two hours. However, there is something repulsive about me as a romantic object.

Maybe part of the problem is that I'm a "nice guy" and that I treat women with respect and as equals. I've noticed that assholes and men who abuse women always have women fighting for them. I'm too nice of a person, but I am tempted to just once try that approach.

Anyway, as I said I am beyond being bothered by such things. I'm sure I'll find someone eventually but I don't have any need in the meantime.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Sun Nov 22, 2009 11:22 pm

Majority of girls (Not all of them obviously) from I would say 16-24 mistake being an asshole and general douche for confidence and assume they have something to offer. It's also about the fact "you'll always be there for them" as a friend, and they don't really have to do anything for you to be there (because you're nice). This is what Pyth was talking about (Power in a relationship).

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:13 am

My definition of asexual would have been that one does not make any attempts at a sexual relationship with anyone else, asking those out who you are attracted to is an attempt, however slight.

I'd like to counter the nice-guy argument. It isn't simply that you're nice and you respect them and treat them as equals, although usually this behavior leads to the ultimate cause: Being too available. Obviously physical/mental/emotional attraction and the appearance of confidence come into play, but if those two requirements are satisfied, the game can still be lost by being unconditionally available to them. If they don't have to try to find their way to the pedestal in your head, they simply won't. This relates back to the power issue, if they don't need to prove themselves to you, then all balls are in their court, figuratively, but usually not literally. I find that women usually like to minimize the number of balls in their court in a romance relationship.

Talking about this makes me feel risky. I have very little standing and am probably mistaken. People are probably more complicated than this.

If you're happy the way you are, Dragon, then I hope that continues.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:18 am

I'm trying to convince myself that the girl didn't lie to me at this point, that's all. I'm an incredibly honest person and when I say something, it is true. So when a girl says she really likes me, I generally believe it. Things fall apart, and I got tired of asking her to do stuff and getting nothing in response. I don't have time to put energy and get nothing back (mind you, not physical. I don't need a physical fling, that just leads to nothing but basic heartache). However, that is not something that I want to waste anymore time talking about.

Dragon's viewpoint reminded me of my own... then I wrote:

"Hugs are the gateway drugs of love.
Sure you'll start with a slight taste of her soft embrace, but
soon you'll need two or three or even four hugs to
equal the joy of just one hug.
Indeed after awhile,
only the pure shit will hit the spot. Which means that watered-down,
weak and awkward excuses for hugs like
the side-ways scoop and hook hug, hasty hand shake turned thug-hug, or the
sneak attack ninja half-hug will no longer fly,
won't get you high; no. To satisfy,
it's got to be straight on and pure and
those hugs inject so much love drug
(like dopamine or endorphins like hammers that break bricks or make fake walls fall)
that you'll need both arms outstretched to get the same narcotic effect.

Yeah it feels good at first but
finding a dealer at any hour of the night will
become an increasingly Herculean effort. And I'm saying like
Zen riddles of one hand clapping will be
easier to understand than
finding and wrapping your
self-same sore arms around a good hug-drug dealer.

Especially if you're like me and looking to
soothe my mind at odd hours for fixes between
the lines of pages or on the lines of my hands where
life is rumored to be written. And I have spent
countless hours contemplating the lines in my hands,
looking for ways to reshape the patterns and curves that crease across my skin because
Iím tired of feeling helpless against lifeís backdrop and this
emotional addiction to others Ė
and Iíll wonder why Iím
addicted to this thing that is
eternal but must die, I
wonder why Iím attached to
frustratingly finite feelings, fleeting, flaking, futilely failing, falling away
fucking A! I just
wanted
a hug, but now Iím stuck scrutinizing the lines in my
hand, searching for ways to diminish this addiction, but
these lines wonít bend; I canít change the patterns of my skin.

And Iíve tried to rewrite these lines a thousand times, especially when Iíve
lost touch with the hug drug dealers and instead switch to
other sources to get my fix like switching to
burning spoons of rage to inject into my veins or
switching to rolling my joints and voice into strict silence where Iíll
inhale breathless and exhale isolation or like
trading in my lips for a razor bladeís kiss, but
nothing brings bliss like the hug drug.

I try to get clean, but that just makes a mess, so
I guess the only steps left will lead towards acceptance of
this human addiction to the love hug drug*."

It's nice to be alone when you have someone to fall back on - someone to talk to, hold, kiss and all of those other things physical. But, start with hugs - maybe you, too, can become addicted to love too and accept it.

*This is a spoken word poem, and the line breaks don't really do it justice as it's written on the page. Thus, in order to really feel it like it was meant to be felt, you have to hear it/read it aloud. So, read it like you're behind a mic about to perform an amazing piece of poetry to a crowd of people whose minds are hungry, starving for not only entertainment but also connection. Read it like the words are finding their voice through the vibrating strings tugging at your heart at any moment.


Last edited by AquaAscension on Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:27 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:27 am

That sucks Aqua, but it does happen. I would just say never give up. As long as you can complete yourself, life will go on. But never give up on finding someone to journey with you.

Pythagoras wrote:
Talking about this makes me feel risky. I have very little standing and am probably mistaken. People are probably more complicated than this.
And no, in my experience people are NOT more complicated than that.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Mon Nov 23, 2009 3:34 am

The problem is that the sampling we have here is generally biased to nice-guy intellectuals. Which would skew the reactions we get from girls, and also our interpretations of their psychologies.

That's why it seems risky to generalize like this.


And to Aqua, you're an incredibly talented poet, and I'm sorry things didn't work out. Keep on keeping on brother.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:33 pm

Thanks, pyth. I'm keeping on the best I can keep.

I feel that one of my next projects should be a "nice guy manifesto." If I ever complete that and if it's worth anything, I'll share that. I imagine it'll be a carpe diem sort of poem (and that in strictly literary senses is a "you should hang out/sleep with me. Now" sort of a text like Andrew Marvel's 'To His Coy Mistress') which will expound upon the virtues of nice guys but hopefully in a way which is worth saying and not cliched.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Mon Nov 23, 2009 5:38 pm

This topic now saddens me.

Also, amazing poem Aqua. You should present to a medium other than our own or try to publish it in some form of media.

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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Tue Nov 24, 2009 4:12 am

Dragonheart91 wrote:
And no, in my experience people are NOT more complicated than that.
You, sir, are shallow. You don't have any idea how complex a human can be. Aqua wrote that he had very little standing and that it was risky because people are more complex than that, because he's right. You simply lack anything whatsoever above your shoulders and speak with your absent mouth before thinking with your non-existant mind. Give me a break and say something that doesn't discourage my faith in you, what you stand for, and humanity itself.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:14 pm

I never cease being astounded by the shallowness and predictability of most of the population. Sure there are exceptions some of the time and more often for some people, but the majority is dull and stupid.
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PostSubject: Re: This is why I'm asexual.   Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:21 pm

Dragonheart91 wrote:
I never cease being astounded by the shallowness and predictability of most of the population. Sure there are exceptions some of the time and more often for some people, but the majority is dull and stupid.

Stupid people are generally harder to predict than intelligent people.

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