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 Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.

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AquaAscension
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Tue Oct 27, 2009 6:43 pm

That's the point, Jay. You understood that before the written (spoken word soon) piece is done. I want it to be ironic and wanting physical contact with someone, anyone because, though I'm comparing hugs to an addiction, it's in a cynical and sad way rather than in a serious way. It's about someone who wants to get away from the "addiction" to "meaningful human contact" and "love" by casting those things in a very bad light and justifying his aversion to others through the way it's cast, but it will end more than likely on him craving and caving into the addiction or something.
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Jay.J
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Tue Oct 27, 2009 7:58 pm

Could you not write the very same piece and replace "hug" with "touch" then have the protagonist go through stages, the initial touch, a hug, a kiss etc.

And again, you're merely distracting us from the hug you should be giving SinisteRing.

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AquaAscension
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Tue Oct 27, 2009 9:52 pm

You make it sound dirty first of all, like I lost a bet because I had a bad hand of poker. You (I) could write the same piece with "touch" but that would definitely change the mood/humor of the piece of writing. I'm going for something that walks the fine line between humor and seriousness. Touch just won't work for that kind of ambiguity in my opinion. Why? I have a feeling you'd ask so this will be preemptive.

First of all, some people aren't incredibly fond of hugs and that sort of thing. However, everyone, to some degree or another, does desire to be touched (caressed, embraced, etc.) and I think that starting this piece off as though the person thinks that simple human contact is an addiction would lose a good portion of the audience and make the speaker of the poem seem incredibly distant and not incredibly likable. Additionally, hug has a slightly more serious but also light connotation to it than touching does ("show us on the doll where he touched you"). Hugs are never really thought of as really bad things, but they do imply a deeper relationship. Usually, one has to at least be friends with another person to get a good hug in. Also, hugs, in my opinion are thought of as male/female embraces. (Hence "you'll start with a taste of her soft embrace".) The "poem" (and I realize it's not in stanza form, but read it aloud and you should hear a music/flow to it) needs to skate between a relationship interpretation and just a friendly one for it to work and, I can't stress this part enough, NOT BE CREEPY about it. I may be making odd arguments, but I know what I mean though I may not be able to say what I mean.

Anyhow, this isn't literary criticism, though it does help for others to ask questions. I may or may not be able to answer them... oh right, I had a gripe... if you ask about writing it another way, then you have to give examples otherwise I have no idea what you're specific ideas are and poetry/performance is a very delicate though powerful art and it needs to have a lot of deliberate thought as to the word choice, otherwise people just don't get it or I'll accidentally say something that I don't mean at all. Changing one thing could very well change the entire meaning of a piece so if you have change suggestions, make them specific and keep the unstable nature of meaning in mind. That's all.
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:29 pm

I agree that using hugs makes it seem non-sexual somehow. Using touch and especially using kiss would make me think of it going along the sexual lines and breaks the mood of it. I like it just the way it is.
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Jay.J
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:52 pm

Touché, though, you're still opting to not hugging SinisteRing. Good decoy.

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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Tue Oct 27, 2009 10:56 pm

I'm unhuggablez.

Aqua, you write too much.
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AquaAscension
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Wed Oct 28, 2009 12:23 am

Yeah, well, at least I only have to wear one goggle when I go swimming in my pool!

I'm not unhuggablez like sin; I just... don't really want to be the one to initiate. Then it's a pity hug, and no one wants those.
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Jay.J
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PostSubject: Re: Annoyances, Irks, Pet Peeves, or Nusiances.   Wed Oct 28, 2009 9:48 am

No, some people do.

*Gives Aqua a hug*

Pass it on.

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